Me: “Have you had a really good sex life?”
My cousin: “You mean as an older adult? No, but when I was younger I had a great sex life.”
Me: “I have had an amazing sex life!”
This is the conversation I had with my cousin on the first day of the New Year. Like everyone, I too reflected on my past. I thought of how far I have come and how much further I have to go. I also thought of the people who I have met, let go, those I have loved and those I am still grateful for. This also made me think of the amazing sex life I mentioned to my cousin. Oh boy, here comes the phone calls and text messages after this piece comes out.
Many years ago, I paid homage in a Facebook post where I thanked the men in my life for all the special times we shared, the lessons learned, the connections made and the love we gave. How beautiful is that? I think it’s absolutely gorgeous! I would like to take the time to give thanks again to the men in my life.
I realize I have had some fine ass brothas in my life! From the brothas who were out in dem streets to college educated, celebrity look-a-likes and one who even sounded like rapper and actor, DMX. The first time I wrote about this, I titled it To All the Men Who Loved Me. From conversations I had with those men in my life after our break ups, I was told they actually did love me. Through all of the mess, the confusion, the arguments, the lies…they really did love me. Of course, I loved them too and those who I am friends with today, I love them still just as good friends. These are the men that shaped and molded me as a woman. That’s why men have to be careful with how they treat the women in their lives. (Women we have to be careful too). I have dated enough to learn the lessons I needed to grow as a woman. These men had conversations with me that were so deep and intellectual each word should have been written down to read later. They all honored me as a woman and told me how they appreciated my beauty, how they loved my scent, my chocolate colored skin or how they just loved to see me walk. My exes have appreciated me for me with no pressure to be like any other woman.
These men taught me I had a voice each time I had to speak up for myself to them. They helped reveal my strength when I had to stand strong in what I believed in when we disagreed. They taught me to never be afraid, to get what I was owed and deserved. They taught me not take shit from anybody (including them). Some even taught me to throw a strong right hook. Even though we both had to show sides at times that were ugly, we survived and grew.
I’ll always be grateful for the guys who held doors open for me, paid my bills, took me shopping, showed me off to friends and family. I’ll always remember those who made me laugh, told me deep personal secrets, cooked for me, washed my hair, rubbed my feet, painted my toenails. I’ll never forget those who made mix tapes filled with love songs (yep a cassette of love), fed me, took me out, wrote poems and letters to me. I thank my exes for running my bath water, cleaning my house, washing my car and making sure I had spending money. Thank you to my exes for helping me to evolve and for calling just to say you were thinking of me.
Above all, thank you for sharing your sexual side with me. We bonded, connected and our souls laughed, danced and tangled on levels that were out of this world. Sensual moans, roaming hands, soft whispers, we had it all. Thank you for walking with me through the world of intimacy and creating our special moments.
Special announcement: Nymphomania was considered to be a disease for women who were described as having abnormal sexual desires. This was seen as a mental disorder and they could be jailed or sent to a mental institution. Only women can be a nymphomaniacs.