I recently posted about standing in your sexual truth. That means being honest about your sexual desires and communicating this to your mate. I have been reminded by several men that all women do not feel comfortable in their sexual skin to stand in their sexual truth. From single women to women in long term marriages, there seems to be a great disconnect. Never fear, Karma Eve is here!
I would like to have a conversation and be the voice for the ladies to state what can keep us from being sexually free. Even being in an established relationship there are issues that have nothing to do with the current mate that can stop intimacy in its tracks.
Fellas, you must understand that society does have double standards for us that do not apply to you. That alone can be a heavy weight to carry. I am asking my male readers to hear this voice out for the moment, then be brave enough to sit down and talk to your partner if you are having a sexual disconnect. Be open enough to hear what they have to say to move your relationship in a more positive and sexually active direction.
If a woman has had several or currently has multiple lovers that makes her look bad. If she expresses herself in an aggressive sexual manner, she looks bad. If she likes certain sex acts and styles, that is a bad look. Men, you can’t have it both ways. You can’t have Mother Teresa and Jezebel too. I see why women keep their innermost sexual thoughts to themselves.
There are women who have had sexual violations such as molestation and rape. In cases as serious as this, a woman definitely needs therapy. She needs to have a safe space to work through those issues to be better for herself. Then there are women who have just had terrible sexual experiences. Everyone hasn’t been lucky enough to be with a sex god. Lastly, there are women who have been raised by mama and Big Mama who made it shameful to stand in their sexual truth. From an early age, young girls are taught not to be “fast” and not to be “boy crazy.” We were not allowed to play with the boys or to behave too boyish. If we sat with our legs open even wearing pants or shorts, we got called out. Some young girls who had to live with their mother’s boyfriend in the house were told they were trying to “show out” in front of grown men when her breasts and body began to take shape into a curvier figure. To try and not bring attention to themselves, girls covered up and growing into their feminine side was crippled.
Junior high and high school was also a confusing place. One foot in childhood, the other foot trying to step over the line to adulthood and all with no direction on how to become a woman and no guidance on what was going on with our bodies. We got our sexual information from television soap operas, cheesy romance novels and our inexperienced friends.
Now we’re full grown ass women and we are totally fucked up! Women are getting in relationships and marriages without proper healing and knowledge of self. We have become stuck in our ways, have given up on our marriages and have gotten comfortable. It didn’t start out that way. In the beginning, you were giving up the booty like it was free cheese in a government food box. Now you’re withholding sex and you’re miserable. How do you move forward? How do you release yourselves from this sexual denial trap you locked away in?
Fellas, you’re not off the hook some of this falls on you too. How do you treat the woman in your life and speak to her? What wild expectations have you placed on her? Are you helping with the children and small duties around the house? In other words, are you helping her to help you both be sexually active in your relationship? Some of you may or may not agree but this is where you stand in your truth…you’re real truth.
Special Announcement: “The real problem with sexual withholding is withholding the words and meaning that come when partners dare to share, work to understand and take steps to become lovers again.” – Suzanne Phillips, Psy.D., ABBP