“How do you feel comfortable being so erotic and sexual and stuff?”
Yes, I get asked that question often. Honestly, I didn’t realize I was comfortable sexually while others were not. If you read my blog, Chocolate Cocaine (In the Beginning There Was Sex), you know I discovered sex at an early age. I definitely was not having sex then but it did make me sexually aware and body conscious. I learned to love myself before any lover ever loved me.
I grew up in a time where my dark chocolate complexion was considered ugly. Men preferred women of lighter skin tones compared to mahogany sisters such as myself. I spent a lot of time in the mirror looking at my complexion, my skin and eventually my body. I grew up reading sex positive magazines that told their readers it was okay to view yourself naked. That was to get women comfortable with their body and to be empowered sexually. Yes, I’m very familiar with how my pussy looks. Unfortunately, some women cannot say that.
I have read many books, magazines and articles on sex and self-love. I have seen countless television shows, documentaries, movies and interviews regarding sex. I am currently watching a series on Netflix titled, Sex Explained about what else? Sex. It’s more scientific but it’s about sex nonetheless. Can you believe sperm shoots in at thirty miles an hour? You can check it out yourself, I’m getting off track. Back to how I have become comfortable sexually…
I have watched porn, compared notes with girlfriends, and have experienced beautiful intimate moments with lovers where I always try to up the game from our last encounter. Yeah, I’m patting myself on the back.
Do you want to know how to be a little more comfortable with your sexual self? I’ll list some suggestions that should help you get started and to move forward being content as an adult doing something natural…having sex!
- Get Counseling: If you have experienced any sexual trauma such as rape or molestation, please go to a professional therapist that can assist you in getting healed. This is more for you than any lover that comes into your life.
- Get a Physical: Visit your doctor and make sure you are healthy. This is also a good time to discuss any issues you may have such as vaginal dryness, low libido or anything that affects your health and your sex life.
- Communicate Effectively: Let your lover know how you are feeling about yourself, your body, their body and other things in general that is putting a strain on your sex life.
- Accept Yourself: Honey, look in that mirror and realize Beyoncé, Idris or no one you see on the big screen is staring back at you. That’s YOU! Now if you don’t like what you see, then take the proper steps to make changes. You are fully in charge of your life so get it done now.
- Read: Read sexy blogs such as Chocolate Cocaine. Find magazines that discuss sex. Purchase books or loan them out from the library. It can be a book or an article about sex facts to educate yourself and your lover. It can be entertaining erotic stories that you and your lover can read together or out loud.
- Touch Yourself: Don’t be afraid to touch what is you. Rub, squeeze, pinch, slap, massage. Respect your own touch, make love to yourself, love yourself and feel good to yourself.
- Be Open-minded: Staying in your own box and thinking what you think is right or correct about sex isn’t right at all. Try new ideas your lover may have, try new positions, new places to have sex. That same old missionary position after being married for fifteen years can be pretty boring. You don’t want the same meal every day at the same time so add some flava to ya love life.
This is upper level suggestions because I want you to level up. There are many other self-awareness things you can do but these are strong life changing ideas to begin with. En Vogue said it best, “free your mind and the rest will follow.”
Special Announcement: What do you value most in your mate? When was the last time you told them or showed them how much they mean to you?