I recently saw a question posted that asked, “Can you have a great, long-lasting sex life with the same partner? This of course made me think and if you’re in a relationship, you should ask yourself this same question.
I have friends that confide in me regarding their intimate life. My single friends tell me how they deal with sex and being single. Some married friends are in a sexless marriage.
Some women have been planning their wedding since they were little girls. However, they planned the wedding but not the actual marriage. When I was little, I knew two things about my “dream” wedding. I wanted to get married in Las Vegas and I was not going to wear one of those itchy over-laced, overpriced wedding gowns. When I did get married, we exchanged vows on top of Love Circle here in Nashville and I did not wear a wedding gown. One out of two ain’t bad. If you read my blog, The Gift That Keeps on Giving, you will know I believe I am designed to be married to a well-providing man so I can cater to him, be submissive, and be his complete helpmate. I’ve always focused on the marriage more than the wedding. Keep in mind, he must do his part for me to do my part, ya feel me?
While growing up and thinking of getting married and maintaining that marriage I never thought of being in a sexless marriage. Yet toward the end of my marriage, it became sexless because I was planning on getting a divorce. I didn’t have a need for intimacy with someone I didn’t like. Had I not been aiming for a divorce, I would not have stayed married without intimacy between my mate and me.
I’m in the process of writing a book titled, Soul Tied: The Art of Connecting Intimately. I discuss the importance of effective communication with your mate that will give you a healthy and fulfilling sex life. I give you different sex avenues you can take to bring the joy of sex back into your bedroom for you to get your freak on! Unfortunately, I have yet to talk to women who are unable to get sex from their mates. I’d love to hear from you if you’re out there.
Here are some healthy suggestions on getting your groove back. Some couples have been connected fifteen plus years and have fallen into a stank-ass routine of not being open, willing or devoted to make positive changes to being intimate. Remember, intimacy is not about sex only. There are several ways to become closer to your mate that will ultimately lead to better communication and more sex.
– Be open to positive and healthy communication. As much as you talk, learn to listen. Leave all the anger and resentment in the past especially if your mate has apologized or tried to make up for mistakes they have made.
– Stand in your marital truth. Be honest about the role you have played for your marriage being in the state it’s in.
– Get help. There is nothing wrong with seeing a counselor to help save your marriage and sex life. Always remember, if a counselor doesn’t fit your needs for you and your sweetie, try, try again with another one. Find one that you both feel comfortable meeting and engaging with.
– Re-evaluate how you interact. Are you constantly tired, negative or standoffish? Are you always complaining? Do you have something negative to say about and to your mate all the time? Do you expect your mate to give up their body and make love to you with that type of attitude? Try to be nicer, more engaging and more positive. That will change up how you see one another.
– Do something nice. Do something without being asked or told what to do. There are a million things that need to be done, pick one.
Yes, you can have a long term relationship with the same partner but the respect must be there before the sex. When you have respect for your mate, everything will fall into place.
Special Announcement: In a 2016 article by Women’s Health, “getting busy” was the number one reason out of five that makes a happy couple.
4 thoughts on “Long Term Sex Pt. 1”
Having been married and divorced, I can fully relate to this post. I made mistakes which I fully acknowledge and take full acceptance for. I too had come to the place of no longer liking my partner and my desire for her absolutely wanted. I think all your suggestions should definitely be taken into account and acted on if you want to regain that “Fire & Desire ” with your mate. P.S- you look Incredible in your wedding dress.
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I appreciate you standing in your truth! It’s so powerful to admit when one is/was wrong. Lessons learned and you’ll be so magnificent for the next wife.
Thank you for appreciating the dress! That was taken 7-7-2007!
Having been married for more than twenty years and then divorced, I can completely relate to this post. There are many truths here that neither men nor women want to look within to see……hence all the divorces I suppose.
You’re not the only woman out there that planned for the wedding, without planning for the marriage. There are plenty of men out there that wanted a dime piece for a wife, without looking deeper to see what else is there.
I stand in my post marital truth when I say that if I had it to do all over again, I would have listened more and talked less. There’s a reason why we all have two ears and one mouth and so many of us realize that just a little too late.
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I love your honesty and appreciate you sharing your story. I have to correct you when I say, I hardly planned for the wedding but definitely planned for the marriage.
Marriage is very difficult however, I beleive that when a couple puts in the work and keeps their eyes on their future prize, everything is worth it.
I love how you stated, you should have listened more and talked less. That is so powerful!