I like having adult conversations about trying to find workable resolutions for those having issues with sex and erotica. If you haven’t already, please read Long Term Sex Pt. 1 so this part can add another piece to the puzzle to help you to see the full picture.
In Long Term Sex Pt. 1, I spoke about talking with yourself and your mate. You both should stand in your marital truth as to why your sex life is shitty, take responsibility for the role you played in dragging it to hell, get professional help if it’s needed, be open and positive with your communication and treat each other with respect. That’s the nutshell version of part one. Now I’m ready to get you in the mood! Let’s talk about one of our favorite “F” words, foreplay.
An ugly myth about men is they do not like foreplay, or they rush through it and it’s unenjoyable for their mates. I’m here to tell you, the brothas I spoke with said all that is a lie! They said they LOVE foreplay! Let us walk through this together.
I know there are some people (women included) that may not be familiar with the art of foreplay. You need to know foreplay is important because it is more psychological and mental than physical. Surveys, research, polls and scientists say women need foreplay more than men. I can understand that because foreplay helps women to stop the constant mind chatter that runs full speed in our heads. Foreplay is a time for our mates to show us how deeply we are loved with touch and sometimes words and other sensual language. Sometimes it’s difficult for women to get into the mood because we always have something to do or someone to help. Household chores, the children, work and/or school are just a few things we are continuously making mental lists of what needs to be completed. Imagine multiple tabs open on your computer. That’s the mind of a woman. Foreplay helps to “X” out those unnecessary tabs and focus on the task at hand…YOU!
The men I spoke with said they desire to feel sexy and wanted by their mate and foreplay allows them to escape from work and the other realities of life. They said they want the soft touch of their lover, a whisper in the ear and time and effort that puts them all up in their feelings too. Foreplay breaks the routine of just opening legs, getting on top, humping a few humps, getting an orgasm and then rolling over and falling asleep. It allows you to take your time and be present. All of this ultimately creates better, happier and more positive attitudes and a healthier sex life and atmosphere at home.
There are some couples who are clueless to what foreplay can be for them. You must be willing and openminded when your mate presents you with a sexy idea. If you don’t trust your mate, you have bigger issues than the lack of sex in your relationship.
Below you will find a few sexy activities you and your mate can try to get you in the mood for the BIG event…SEX! Some of these sensual ideas can be done when together and others can be done when you’re a part.
- Read erotic short stories/poems together. Read them aloud and see how it makes you feel saying those hot, sexy words to each other
- Text a dirty message or risqué photo. While they are at work hit the send button with your dirty thoughts telling them what you can’t wait to do them later
- Play strangers. Pick a bar/restaurant you’ve both been wanting to go to, show up separately and use pickup lines to get them to go home with you. Flirt playfully. Get home and have a “one-night stand.”
- Go to a sex shop. Look around and select one item you must use that night. It can be lube, a toy, lingerie, a game or a movie
There’s more that can be done but you’ll have to keep your eyes open for my book, Soul Tied: The Art of Connecting Intimately.
Special Announcement: Sex releases tension, stress and can help calm you down.