Rapper, Ludacris asked us back in 2000 with his hit song, What’s Your Fantasy, all the sexy things we want do with a lover. From doing it in the “Georgia Dome on the fifty-yard line to the sauna, jacuzzi, in the back row at the movies” where would you like to play out your fantasies? Do you still have fantasies, have they been fulfilled or, do you feel you’re too old for fantasies?
Men occasionally will ask me what is a fantasy of mine? Honestly, I think this is a cheesy pick up line or cheesy conversation to have with someone I’m not intimately involved with. However, I truly believe I have lived out all the fantasies I have wanted to participate in…except one and I’m not telling what that is. I promised myself I would be honest with my Chocolate Cocaine Addicts (readers) but I don’t need every Tom, Dick and Jamal knowing and trying to see if they can create the moment when I want it to happen with someone special. I knew you’d understand.
Everyone has a fantasy or two they daydream about or want to act out and that’s perfectly normal. There is no need to be embarrassed about your sexual desires. According to Gigi Engle a certified sex coach, she states there are fantasies “we keep to ourselves, share with a partner and those we want to try in real life.”
There are different categories of fantasies I want to discuss, break down and then see which category your fantasy may fit in.
- Group fantasies: This fantasy involves multiple people at one time. Studies say group sex is the most thought about and common fantasy that wants to be fulfilled. Think of threesomes and orgies and multiple hands, lips and bodies intertwining with yours. Of course, if this is a fantasy you want to live out, you will need to find the right people to join you on this sexual quest.
- Novelty fantasies: These fantasies include places and props. This is where you can include sex toys to your sex time play. Vibrators, sex wands, butt plugs and more for you and your mate to choose from. Or, how about sex under a waterfall, on the beach or in the back of a moving limousine. Sometimes getting out of the bedroom and taking it someplace else adds excitement to a night of sex. For some, it’s the thrill of the adventure! Be careful because if you are in a public place, it is illegal, and you can get arrested…hmmm…handcuffs anyone?
- Power and Control (BDSM) fantasies: Whips and chains and ball gags, oh my! For you “vanilla” folks, BDSM stands for bondage, discipline, dominance submission, sadism and masochism. This has the word TRUST written all over it. It’s important that you and your partner are on the same page and you must entrust your lover to care for you (or vice versa) during this vulnerable time. This sex act can range from light spankings and dom/sub role play to being blindfolded, gagged and more.
- Fetish and Taboo fantasies: These fantasies may seem unusual to some due to the nature of the acts. These fantasies may include feet, panties, armpits, rubber, latex, leather, feathers or voyeurism (with consent) and much more. They vary with each individual and couple.
Did you see any of your fantasies in the grouping? If you did, and you’re looking for a lover to bring your fantasy to life, remember there are always rules to everything. What is normal to you, can appear strange to someone else. Communicate clearly on your wants and desires, be ready to answer some questions and be patient with who you introduce your fantasy to. If you are the lover receiving this information, keep an open mind and ask questions.
Other points to keep in mind are…
- Set boundaries
- Do not pressure or rush your lover. Take your time
- Educate your lover about your fantasy
- Remain calm, do not get frustrated
- Create a comfortable, safe and relaxing environment
- Use a safe word
- Listen to your lover.
- No means no
Have fun and create some sexy memories!