I have no problem admitting, I used to have a married boyfriend…or two. Yep, I know the difference between right and wrong. Yep, I can imagine being in someone else’s shoes. Yep, I know many people don’t agree with what I have done but frankly, I don’t care what anyone thinks.
Don’t get me wrong, I will have to ultimately face the music when my day of judgment comes but I refuse to face the music or explain myself to mere mortals. I’m not here to kiss and tell but what I will say, as a former mistress (or side chick as they are now called) is how not to get the game twisted.
I became familiar with the word mistress in grade school. Those were the days when nighttime and daytime soap operas were all the craze. Dynasty, Dallas, General Hospital, and my grandmother’s favorite, The Bold and the Beautiful. What attracted me to the position was I could be with someone and not fully commit to this person. I was not responsible for them on a full-time basis. Whenever I’d see them, it was always fun and good times were guaranteed. I did not have to see them at their worse.
Those who step into this role need to know there are rules to be a mistress. There are plain and simple truths to this lifestyle if you so choose to live it.
- Do not get your feelings involved. If you’re looking to fall in love with your married partner, you have picked the wrong guy! He is not looking to fall in love with you. Check yourself because that is not going to happen the way it’s playing out in your fairytale filled mind.
2. Protect yourself from lifelong changes. Diseases and pregnancies can change all lives involved. Use proper precautions. If you catch something you can’t get rid of (HIV, AIDS, etc.….) or bring a life into this world that isn’t wanted, it creates bigger issues later.
3. Do not reach out to the wife for anything! How dare you send a text, an email, leave a voicemail, drive to her house or contact her to tell her of the scandalous affair you’re having with her husband? You do not have that right. If she knows, let it be between her and him. If she doesn’t know, she has her suspicions or, she will find out soon enough. The last thing you need to do is disrupt her life. Plus, she may be the type to have you looking over your shoulder because she, her sisters or friends are coming for you. Leave her alone.
4. You are not his priority. Believe it or not, you are not the alpha nor the omega of his world. He may lie and tell you differently, but his family comes first, and you are an option.
5. Every moment together is a fantasy played out and a lie. He lies to you and it makes everything feel just right. That is not reality. While his wife is picking his clothes up off the floor, listening to him lie to her about where he’s been, shortchanging her on household bill money, trust he is not being 100% honest with you on who he really is.
6. This is temporary. After a while either you will get tired of being an option or he’s going to get tired of juggling you, her and anyone else he may be seeing. This doesn’t end well for anyone. If she knows her husband is cheating, she worries. It’s not good for you because how many weeks, months and in some cases years did you give to someone who wouldn’t fully commit to you? No, you do not want to spend the rest of your life in a situation like this.
7. Respect yourself. He’s not going to do it so do it for yourself. There are many things you can be doing including dating someone who is available emotionally, mentally, physically and more. Know that you are worth more than an occasional phone call, text or intimate moment together for just a short period of time.
People are adults and they are going to do whatever they want to do. I am not here to support anyone’s behavior nor am I here to judge it. This is to say go into any relationship with your eyes wide open and know there are consequences for everything you do.
2 thoughts on “7 Rules to Mistressing”
To be honest, before I was married I had married girlfriends and while I was married, I had mistresses of my own. I believe it was Chris Rock who said “a man is about as faithful as his options”.
At this stage in my life though, I regret that behavior. I shouldn’t have done it and since I’ve been divorced I’ve promised myself that I wouldn’t indulge in that type of behavior again. Still, there is that nagging part of me that wonders if I truly regret the cheating or if I really regret the getting caught part. I don’t ever remember not enjoying the sex.
I remember reading somewhere that roughly 60% of married men cheat and roughly 50% of married women cheat. I don’t know that those numbers are accurate; and I hope they’re not, but that could be right.
Once again, I’m going to try not to do that ever again.
Karma Eve have you ever regretted doing it?
No, I don’t regret my actions. I learned a lot about those I was with because it wasn’t about sex only. Thanks for sharing.