I’ve read about polyamory however, I don’t know anyone who lives this lifestyle to ask questions. I decided to do some research and find not only a polyamory group but a black polyamory group to learn more about this way of living.
I contacted the co founders of Black Poly Nation ™️, Devon White and Daniele Stokes-White, who were open and accommodating in answering questions. Black Poly Nation ™️ is a community-based organization that is committed to organizing and uplifting black polyamorous people across the world. They have become the largest black polyamorous organization across all platforms (online and offline) in only 15 months. Devon and Daniele created this organization in response to a growing call for change in how black polyamorous people engage each other and their representation within the broader polyamorous community.
For those who are unfamiliar with polyamory, Black Poly Nation defines it as, “creating or maintaining multiple loving relationships, simultaneously with the knowledge and consent of all parties involved.” It should be noted the importance to have the consent of everyone involved. It was also clearly stated polyamory is not solely based off sex because there is more to it than just the physical and intimate act.
Some people may feel like this love style, which it is referred to and not lifestyle, is for other races and the black culture does not involve themselves in such acts. However, Black Poly Nation states black and Afro Aboriginal people have been practicing Ethical Non-monogamy for thousands of years and polyamory is only one out of many forms of this practice. Mainstream black America is seeing more of it. It has not been in hiding.
Devon and Daniele indicate each journey into polyamory is unique and there are no set rules around it. Each relationship has their own established boundaries and agreements they choose to live by. This includes decisions of birth control and practicing safe sex. If children are involved, parents determine how to properly introduce them to it. For Devon and Daniele, they have a newborn who will be raised to know that polyamory and ethical non-monogamy is normal. “Polyamory is not defined by one’s gender identity, sexual orientation, marriage, religious beliefs, or gender roles. Each dynamic set those (if any) within their own relationship agreements,” said Black Poly Nation.
When asked how it is to “come out” to family and friends once one has determined this is the life they want to live, I was told it can be difficult however, you’re not alone. There are organizations out here for support and which gives you the freedom to live your truth. Knowing when and how much of your private life to share with loved ones is important as well. For those who say this is against God’s plan, the co founders’ reply is, “We don’t believe in religion, so those opinions have no relevance to us.”
It can be difficult to find likeminded people to engage with but the best way to meet others is to join local meet up groups, online communities and organizations such as Black Poly Nation. Begin this journey with an open mind, do plenty of research and ask questions so you can find the best match for you and/or your mate. Once involved, if negative feelings such as jealousy and insecurities form, the co founders suggest finding a community such as theirs for support. “People are actually finding friendships, mental health support, etc. through our organization.”
Some may be concerned about the legalities of this love style but as Black Poly Nation states, this is polyamory and not polygamy. It’s nothing illegal about loving and being in a relationship with multiple consenting people. Since polyamory is not defined by marriage the legal aspect is not an issue. What can be legal issues within the multi-relationships are concerns of insurance, employment, guardianship over children and other things that can be challenged in a legal situation.
I asked, what does the future of black polyamory look like? “Black polyamorous people have a bright future and will become leaders within the fight to normalize Polyamory and Ethical Non-monogamy in general.”
Devon and Daniele have been openly polyamorous for 6 years and have been together for a total of 12 years. They transitioned into this love style because it felt natural for their personalities and mindset.
If you are interested in contacting Black Poly Nation for more information or support, you can find them with a simple Google search or, visit their website at www.blackpolynation.org. They can be found on Facebook, Instagram, and lastly, you can catch them on YouTube at Dani Dev TV.
Have you ever thought of living a polyamorous love style and if so, what has stopped you from doing it? If you do live as a polyamorist, what do you love about this love style and what other suggestions would you give to anyone who may be interested in transitioning into it?