I am a sex-positive Black woman, and I am proud of it! You probably are asking what being sex-positive is. Get comfortable. Let Karma Eve tell you all about it.
Let me give you some personal background about myself to understand how I stepped into my sexuality. I grew up an only child to a single-parent mother who worked two or three jobs all of the time. During the 1980s, the technology was nowhere close to being up to date like it is today. However, my mother subscribed to almost every magazine that was published. Jet, Ebony, Essence, Vogue, Cosmopolitan were just a small number of magazines that arrived monthly. I used the magazines as another entertainment source next to the radio and television. I would flip through the magazines to read articles about keeping a man, how to be sexy and other tips introduced as the new wave of dating techniques. By then, I had already peeped out my uncle’s Playboy and Chocolate Tail magazines, and these articles were adding another layer to my curiosity about sex. An article that would pop up from time to time and in different magazines written by various journalists that stuck with me the most was about connecting to your vagina and keeping it healthy.
“Take a handheld mirror or sit in front of a full-length mirror and exam what your vagina looks like.” That is what those articles would say. “Look at the color, the shape, gently peel back the folds. Does it have a smell? How does it smell? Is there any wetness?”
It was all about being comfortable with something all women had but were afraid to talk about, touch, look at, or acknowledge it being there for more than just peeing and having a baby. I didn’t know it then, but those magazines were teaching me to be sex-positive.
A sex-positive mindset is also about sexual empowerment. From slavery, where enslaved Black women gave up their sexual power by force, to today, where Black women are questioned and shamed for what they like sexually, sex positivity allows you the freedom to be sexually you. A 2018 article in Ebony Magazine said it best, “it reaffirms Black women are not hypersexual, despite the presence of this stereotype in mainstream media and Eurocentric history.”
A sex-positive attitude teaches you about healthy sexual relationships. I have met many women who have been molested as children and taken advantage of and abused as adults, and it has taken them some time to learn what is a healthy sexual lifestyle. Sex positivity ends this vicious abusive cycle for you and generations to come.
The state of mind of being sex-positive leads to non-judgemental sexual orientation. Those who label themselves as queer, trans, and other LGBTQQIA community members have taught us all to be comfortable with who we love and how we love without discrimination and fear.
My sex-positive attitude allows me to start a blog titled Chocolate Cocaine, where my main photo is my nude dark brown imperfect body, baring stretch marks on my tummy that housed two healthy baby boys. It had allowed me to share my erotic poetry in the state of Tennessee when strangers told me my erotic work was unacceptable because we were in the Bible Belt. It has taught me not to give myself to anyone who I don’t deem worthy. Sex positivity has allowed me to grow old, not just gracefully but sexually as well. I am in a beautiful space within my sexual realm because I do not allow society to dictate what my ideas, thoughts, and attitude about sexuality must be for myself. Like I always say, stand in your sexual truth. Take time to heal from past traumas, learn from sexual mistakes, and grow for your sexual future.
Do you think you are a sex-positive individual, or are you working toward it? What has stopped you from being more positive about sex? Let me hear from you and your thoughts about this topic.
While so much has gone on with 2020, some of the negative impacts of that year has crossed into 2021. On a personal note, which I always try to keep it real with you all, I am not feeling 100%. Send some positive vibes because I do not need a repeat of last year nor do I want this year to get any worse. Thanks for your support and your love.
If you know someone Chocolate Cocaine should feature in a future post, send an email to KarmaEve@gmail.com.
Check out the Ebony Magazine article that discussed being a sex-positive Black woman here.
You can listen to this on Chocolate Cocaine: The Erotic Bedtime Series podcast:
* LGBTQQIA – Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer, Questioning, Intersex, Asexual.